Trust the Process, or Whatever.

I get it, we need to trust the process. We are supposed to trust that the universe, God, and any other figure that people believe in, has our back. That the bad times won't last forever and that all that we desire and deserve it already on it's way to us. In fact, this is exactly what I tell people in my coaching sessions...right before we start our healing work.

I get it, I really do. But I don't fucking like it. See, whenever we say trust the process, its because there is an end goal on our mind. Trust the process because brighter days are coming. Trust the process because you are going to be okay. Trust the process because what you are feeling won't last forever.

But, let me take the time to acknowledge that awful, terrible, heart breaking feeling that feels like it will actually last forever...

I don't know where I start and end anymore. The last two weeks, I feel like I've just been going through the motions. I know that I am solid. I know that I am a functioning human being. I know that I have obligations. But I feel like I have just floated through the last couple of weeks. My body is in a constant state of fight or flight mode. I'm jumpy, I am constantly teary eyed. I feel unsafe and I feel unstable. I could unpack where it came from in this blog, but that is not something you need to know or read, because I quite honestly don't feel like giving you all a trigger warning or disclaimer. Just know that I know where this comes from, but...I. Still. DON'T. Like. It.

I feel as though I've been question everything. I feel unsure with myself, my decisions, my relationships, my habits, my job. I guess, because I am not secure within myself, everything around me feels like a jumbled up mess. I genuinely feel lost. And so, I hate the comment "trust the process". It feels like its invalidating because I'm in a state where I can't trust anything, even myself. What I do know, though, is that I need to forgive myself. I need to find some grounding. I need to find a grasp on something that I am sure of to bring me back to myself. I need to pray. (lol, I am realizing all the things that would be helpful for me, that I need to do, as I am writing this post...see how this works).

Fight or flight doesn't leave much room for trust or composure. When you're jumpy and unsure, you can't trust the process. I think that we all know that (and if you don't, now you do). So, I guess the first step lies above. Transition my body out of this fear response, this jumpy, disjointed feeling. Transition into a state of composure. Once that happens, then I can work on forgiving myself for things too long silenced, for feelings too long put aside. I guess, once composure and forgiveness happen, then I can rebuild trust for myself and the things around me.

Have you been in a fight or flight response? Are you finding it hard to trust the process sometimes? Let's talk about it. I know that there are many of you out there resonate with this in one way or another. Or maybe you didn't know that you resonated with it until you read this. Either way, break down how you are feeling. Figure out what is going to ground you or bring you some peace of mind, and then forgive yourself or whatever situation has you in that state. I know that it will be okay, even though that's hard to see right now.

Until next time,

Growth, Positivity, & all the things (healing)