It's been a minute ya'll, but here I am back to drop another gem.
Before I get into this here blog, I'm going to define "red flags" and "trauma brain" in my own words, for that of you that may not know.
Red Flag - a noticing within a person or relationship that you are unsettled with or that might lead to some sort of heart ache or pain.
Trauma Brain - the part of your brain (either emotionally heightened or severely suppressed) that takes over whenever you perceive danger that reminds you of something bad thats happened to you before.
Alright, let's get into it.
If you are reading this, you are probably a person that has been hurt in the past (or you just like my blogs, and that's dope too). You are probably on - or about to get on - your healing journey. You've probably seen #redflags and all typed of other "Anti-toxic culture" hashtags and comments.We're in a world today, where healing looks like leaving anything that makes us uncomfortable or that can be triggering for us. And I am here to tell you that the hashtag healing that you see on instagram, is NOT entirely tried or true.
Sometimes, what can be perceived as red flags (and before you think I'm gaslighting, just keep reading) are actually things that are stirred up within US that we have yet to deal with. So, we need to ask ourselves, are things red flags, or is this my trauma brain speaking and self sabotaging. This, in particular, is pertaining to relationships of any kind. Let me give you a few examples before I continue:
Maybe you want to be someone's friend, but they go out too much. Your first statement might be "she's 40 and she goes out this much, thats a red flag". Instead, does her being that age and going out bother you because your mom did that and you felt neglected? Do you feel like you have tied an age to what is appropriate or in appropriate. Do you think YOU would be judged if you doing what this woman was doing?
This person has not yet loved me in my love language. Is that a red flag, or does this person need to learn how to love you in your love language? Do you need to observe how they give love also? Maybe your trauma brain is triggered because you felt neglected in a previous friendship or partnership, so now you run the first chance you get? Maybe you put yourself on a time frame, so you don't want to put in the work to give it a shot if it is not perfect?
Maybe your partner is overly emotional. Is that a red flag, or is THEIR trauma brain taking over?