"Hey, It's Not Your Fault"

Reading this blog is going to require you to do some internal work that could be slightly triggering, so bare with me, or stop reading. The choice is yours.


First thing I want you to do is imagine something that happened to you when you were younger; something that was out of your control, but happened anyways. For example, I would imagine my parents putting too much pressure on me to solve everyone's problems and have the answers before my teenage years. Right...think of something like that, and sit with it for a moment, with your eyes closed.


Now, think about how that event, scenario, whatever, has impacted you TODAY? Do you have trouble when you aren't in control. Do you have body image issues? Do you seek love from the wrong people? Always think you aren't good enough? Shy away from commitment? WHAT IS IT? Be honest with yourself, and sit with that for a moment.


I am sure that whatever you thought of, from your childhood, is something that cannot be changed, however unfortunate that is. And again, this is out of your control. So, lastly, tell yourself as many times as you need "Hey, its not your fault". You MUST do this exercise over and over again, with the same event or different ones, to allow yourself to heal and grow and move past something(s).


The reason for this exercise, you ask? A lot of us, including myself until recently, hold on to labels, perceptions, and traumas from out childhood, from things out of our control, and allow them to shape who we are today. Some of things could be good. Some scenarios from our childhood have made us resilient, strong, independent, or whatever words are often thrown around when a person looks like they are doing well despite... BUT, we are hanging on to the fear that we once felt. We are hanging on to a sense of helplessness and worry. Whatever has happened to us had bled into our adulthood. Now, we might be in unstable relationships; we might find ourselves over working because our regular load doesn't feel productive enough; we might find ourselves refusing help, even though we need it. We might found that we are doing a number of self harming things, even if its just mental self deprecation ( "I cant...", "Im not good enough for...", "Why am I so...").


The child in us is still sad. The child in us still thinks that whatever has happened, is their fault. And the adult in us, instead of exercising forgiveness, is still looking for a solution. My wanting to solve every problem that comes my way alone, is me blaming my younger self for not being able to do so. AND it's me having fear that if I cannot handle something as an adult, I will be punished in some way (typically verbally or emotionally) as I was when I was a kid.


It's not to give yourself closure. You don't need to continue that childhood fear in your adulthood. You don't need to continue on a cycle that is harmful to your wellbeing for the sake of avoiding consequences or trying to solve a problem or hurt that may be decades old. What needs to happen, as the exercise suggests, is that you need to envision that younger version of you, that scared version of you, and forgive them. Tell that little one, that nothing that happened to them is their fault. Tell them that they are forgiven, and that you are not going to continue the cycle they have been stuck in. Vow to be the adult you needed.


So, now that this all makes more sense. Go back to the beginning...and do the exercise all over again. But this time, mean it. Do it with intention. Believe it. and Release it.


Growth, Positivity, & All the things (healing)

Jaymee!